HOW ARE U MR.JONATHAN LAND, I HOPE DOING WELL, I AM OK.
NOW I AM NOT IN INDIA, I AM IN JORDAN WOKING AS A MERCHANDISER, LET ME TELL ABOUT JORDAN EXPORT IMPORT QUOTA FREE AND DUTY FREE FOR US MARKET.
Perumal, my old friend! How have you been?
First off, I would like this wonderful opportunity you've given me to make amends. I apologize for my demeanor and the content of my previous e-mails. I was going through a very difficult period then, and I was lashing out at anyone and everyone who was still talking to me. And when THOSE people had finally abandoned me, I'd pay neighborhood children five bucks a head to let me yell at them until their parents got restraining orders against me. I don't know if I can say this in an e-mail, but I was a real asswipe. I'm sorry, and I hope you'll forgive me.
What can I say? I have no reasonable explanation. I had numerous vices at the time. If it wasn't the booze, it was the alcohol, and if it wasn't the alcohol, it was the drinking. See what I mean? One thing leads to another. So my family checked me into rehab where I had been up and down so many 12-step programs I felt like I was running around an MC Escher drawing being chased by bartenders. Speaking of flights of stairs, it was the flight from stares at my intervention that was my undoing. I could have agreed to check myself in voluntarily, making this easier on everyone, but I fled. The organizers of my intervention created a trap with a martini on a tied to a tree branch in my front yard. When I grabbed it, they dropped a cage on me, and dragged me away by force before I could dig a tunnel out or gnaw through the bars. Man, do I miss bars. Anyway, I've done my time, and I've been clean and sober for about six months now, and my business is doing quite well.
Wow, this is still so painful to discuss... ok, enough about me.
I'm very happy that you've found a job despite the letters of condemnation I sent to your other prospective employers, and I must say that it was wise of you to get out of India. Now that the whole Israel-Palestine thing looks like it's going to come to a peaceful conclusion, the world's going to demand a "second card fight", and if India and Pakistan don't start stepping up the slapping around, I can think of two countries that won't be getting U.S. weapons for Christmas.
You totally dodged a bullet by getting out of there. You also probably dodged a few grenades, rockets, landmines, and bombs as well. I hope you and your loved ones are well, and that Jordan is a safer, friendlier place.
Finally onto business: I hope to make a better client than an employer, and I thank you once again for this opportunity to prove myself to you, and to get this stuff off of my chest.
So, whatcha have to sell me, Perumal?
Jonathan Land
