The Spam Letters - The Book

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by Jonathan Land,
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Author's Note: I really should have done my homework on the Miss World thing first. Hopefully this is the last time I'll be relatively straightforward on the site.

Subject: Re: Why you...
To: Name Withheld... not a spammer
From: Jonathan Land <>
Date: 12/04/2002

How old are you??? Seventeen right? If you're an adult, you probaby grew older and missed out on growing up!!! Jeez!! How petty can you get? Bet you're very lonely too, no girlfriend, no family, no friends, zilch! Just you and that silly site of yours.

You just love jumping off to conclusions, don't you? I wish your conclusions were a bridge. Clearly this world is too much for a sensitive, caring soul like you.

You wrote: 'but how can you justify them by saying that it's a religious thing? In a good share of religions murder is also a sin the last time I checked. Also, history has proven repeatedly that violence doesn't make things right'...

My sentiments exactly. Mine was not an attempt at justifying murder, it was merely a statement of fact, and I stated this because you were tauntingly attributing these riots to a Nigerian factor. While, I was simply emphasising that the riots were born out of Religious Intolerance- which occurs in other parts of the world. I went on to give an example of an occurrence in India to buttress my point. Are you really this dense? If you are, then I'm reminded that I have obviously been wasting my time .

I'm fully aware that riots are not the sole domain of Nigeria. We've been known to throw parties like that from time to time, usually after sports events or on more serious occasions, civil rights disputes. To the best of my knowledge, we've stopped stoning witches though.

You also wrote: 'If you think that I think I'm solving problems, then you're dead wrong. There are others more adept and capable of dealing effectively with the society's ills. I know I'm not one of them..'... finally we get to agree on some issues.

You're wondering why my replies come fast (or maybe it's all part of your humour thingy, I've often been teased for always taking peoples word for it): all the same, I work at an IT firm and it's part of my job to be on the Internet, though not with the likes of you so I'll quit (if you will let me be) thank you and good day.

Does your IT firm send out spam? It might be part of your job to deal with me after all! And as you love to say, it takes two to tango.

I suddenly realised that the reason why you've been so nasty to me is probably because I shed the truth in a manner you'd never acknowledged. Did I hit a raw nerve? I guess this is your way of expressing your guilt ... Try taking out your frustrations on others for a change. I've seen too much of how twisted a mind can be and that is so sad.

You overestimate yourself. I'm being nasty to you solely because you're wacky, and I'm finding this funnier and funnier as time goes on. You're simply acting as a straight-man for me. Please don't stop now. I'll miss you. Is it twisted to have developed such a strong emotional attachment over our brief and tumultuous affair?

Ps: You need Jesus!

I'm sure those sinner pageant participants needed Jesus too, so a bunch of His close personal friends tried to beat it into them well enough that they'd get to have a face-to-face if they believe in that sort of afterlife.



To: [Name Withheld]
From: Jonathan Land
Subject: Re: For your info....

The Muslims rioted because a Nigerian journalist who'd criticised them for protesting against the pageant wrote in an article that: if the Prophet Mohammed were still alive, he'd probably pick one of 'em beauty queens for a bride!! The Muslims burnt down THIS DAY (the newspaper responsible for the article) and also several other churches which had absolutely nothing to do with the incident. Like I said earlier, the riots were spurned by some religious fanatics (Muslim not Christian).

Same sentiment, different "holier than thou" religious fanatics. So what?


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