The Spam Letters - The Book

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The Spam Letters

The spam is
by spammers

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by Jonathan Land,
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Author's Note: Here's more of my "serious" correspondence. This exchange starts here and deteriorates to what you see below.

Subject: Re: Awwwww...
To: Name Withheld... not a spammer
From: Jonathan Land <>
Date: 12/04/2002

Awww Poor Jon,

I should have sensed what an obviously disturbed person you are ... please bear with me. Dunno why I tend to believe the world if full of sanity... You know, you really ought to seek professional help. From what I gather, Therapy always seems to do the trick.

A real shame about the Miss World thingy... I personally lost more than you could imagine. Did you know it all had to do with religion? Pageants are considered to be a sin according some religious beliefs. Did you know that something similar happened in India about four years ago? Hindu women went on hunger strikes, while some others lit themselves ablaze... Hello??  This incident is not a Nigerian thing okay? We've been hosting pageants for years now (oh by the way, did you know that the current Miss Wolrd is Nigerian?... (oooh, now doesn't that just make you cringe).

In closing, I must say that picking such a crucial time to mail me crap is oh so perfectly petty of you. How would you feel if I did the same to you while the US had another 9/11 incident? (God forbid) Take my advice and talk to a therapist okay?

You wrote: " it would appear that there's a resourceful group of people hell-bent on making life in America neither nice or easy. Plus we have our own series of of economic, social, and political problems. Of course, they're on a different scale as your country's problems, but they are problems nonetheless.".... my question is why not think up a way to humour yourself out of these issues? It would be such an ingenius idea (hey, you don't have to transfer the credit to me either).

Carry on clownin',

[Name Withheld]

Ps: I bet you never thought that all those American people who were dumb enough to respond to the spam letters obviously had their own criminal tendencies i.e they were no different from the scammers. After all, it takes two to tango.

Dear [Name Withheld],

1). What leads you to believe I'm "disturbed"? Because I don't necessarily think the world is full of sanity? If you truly believe that, you're the one who needs therapy. I know that the majority of the world is sane, but to turn a blind eye to the formidable and dangerous group which is not is delusional.

2) I have no idea what your personal losses are pertaining to the Miss World riots, but how can you justify them by saying that it's a religious thing? In a good share of religions murder is also a sin the last time I checked. Also, history has proven repeatedly that violence doesn't make things right. It looks like I was quite generous when I joked that Nigeria is 50 years behind America. According to what you're saying, the figure should be in the hundreds.

3) I'm not humoring myself out of anything or defending those caught up in scams or buying things from spam. If you think that I think I'm solving problems, then you're dead wrong. There are others more adept and capable of dealing effectively with the society's ills. I know I'm not one of them, so I've chosen an alternative, and I'm not the only one. I'm so sorry that my culture gives me that option. I do try to do my part by forwarding the scams I receive to the proper authorities, but I know it's useless to a large degree.


P.S. Your responses come awfully fast. Shouldn't you be donning your cape and using your superpowers to save those in need? I'd imagine that your hands are full over there.

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