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Subject: Re: confidentaility
To: hamza kalu <>
From: Jonathan Land <>
Date: 08/08/2001

Dr. Jonathan,

I am waiting,but for confidentaility sake do it yourself and send it on time.


Dr. Hamza Kalu,

I'm afraid I have some bad news. I have been hired by your boss to evaluate the performance of you and your peers. Most of the folks running the same operation have greatly out-performed you, delivering the goods from the stupid Americans for admirable amounts of money. While Raymond Etibet has made Employee of the Month, I'm going to have to ask you for your resignation. Please try to contain your jealousy when you pass his cubicle or it's into the tiger cage with you. I don't want to rub it in, but you should see his parking space. You could even fit a Cadillac in it. I will be kind enough to write you a recommendation:

Dear Jackass,

I wouldn't count on Hamza Kalu to secure any amount money from so much as an outdoor fountain. If you're seriously considering hiring him, you don't deserve to stay in business.

Thank God he's off of my hands,
Dr. Jonathan Land

We're looking for deal-closers here, not chit-chatters. During our lengthy exchange I hosed you like a firefighter. If I kept this going, I am 99% sure I could have gotten you to brand my name on your ass. I'm withholding the 1% on the off chance that you might do it yourself for some reason.

Not only did you not bring home the bacon, but you left yourself vulnerable by a) continually writing from traceable computer that has now apparently been pointed out to the FTC and b) enclosing some of our bogus documents for the fake American. These are exactly the sort of things that can be used against you, when handed over to the authorities, so to teach you a lesson, I handed all of the material to the authorities to use against you. As far as I see it, you no longer work for us, so hanging you out to dry is merely a vindictive pleasure I get as an auditor.

Buh bye! I've counted all of the office supplies, so don't even bother.

Dr. Jonathan Land

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