The Spam Letters - The Book

Featuring 100+ Spam Letters in an easy-to-read, well-organized, travel/bathroom-friendly format featuring loads of letters not on this site! Help a brother out.

Read some reviews here
Download Chapter 5: A Quick Buck here.

Buy now from:
Amazon (Kindle)
Smashwords (iPhone, iPad, nook, PC, Mac)

If you like the site, please consider picking up the book!

About The Letters

Novelty Shop
Donation Center

Updates, Events, and Book Info:
Back to
The Spam Letters

The spam is
by spammers

The replies are
by Jonathan Land,
except where noted

My other sites:
The Spam Letters
My Consumer Reports
Novelty Shop
Click here for link buttons for The Spam Letters, or grab the one below.

Ranking: 4.0980
Rate the reply:
1 = it sucks
5 = it doesn't

1 2 3
4 5

Related Letters (You might want to start with the first one): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Subject: Re: act fast.
To: hamza kalu <>
From: Jonathan Land <>
Date: 07/23/2001

Your first message:

Send down the information i requested for so i can begin making preparations with the apropriate quarters, as it is when i get hold of the information i will proceed to register you as a contractor with the corprate affairs commission here and then with the NNPC. Certificates will be issued to this regards and be aware that certificates that the certificates will be backdated to suit the contracts dates, i will tell you here that this wil cost us areasonable amount of money but we have it all penciled down so you have to be totally commited to this transaction. Once i make the registration and the certificates are issued i shall send them to you as you will be needing them. After this i will then forward an application on your behalf as you will be the front man for the release of the money into an account you will provide, hence the reason i am in haste cause the earlier we begin the earlier we conclude and reap the benefits What i need are. Your full names and address to use as the beneficiary, this should be the same name with the account holder,

Tel and fax no, where i can direct all correspondence to.

Banking information. i.e. bank account, bank name, address, anything neccessary for the transfer.

I await the information. Note that we can not proceed without this information.


Your second message:


Why the delay, i am axiously waiting to begin this transaction proper.

Please act fast so we can proceed, and please if you are dealing with us deal with us only as we do not wan someone with divided attention.


Dr Impatient,

1) I want this to happen as quickly as you do. I apologize for being out of town for 2 days on a bidness trip with my isp being down. Surely your pants are roomy enough for you to keep it in. I'll make sure to sit right in front of my computer checking my email every minute on the minute until I get your response from this email and reply immediately. Please note I'll be out from 6 to 8 pm at a "black tie" function.

2) You have NEVER answered my question about the 35%... Whaazzzupwitdat? If you want my undivided attention, you are simply going to have to pay for it. Yes, I do have another individual courting me for my bidness... that's how we do it in America, and the prize goes to the highest bidder. Believe me, dealing with the emotional roller coaster you bring to the table is not pleasant for me, and my other suitor appears to be more stable. Unfortunately, you seem to be the one who's willing to offer a larger cut. Hopefully you'll use some of the cash you'll get from this transaction to get some professional help... actually I'd like that worked into the contract. I'm starting to get worried about you, Hamza. If you just want to talk about stuff, I'm here for you. I mean that.

So what's with the money???
Dr. Land

Related Letters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Rate the reply:
1 = it sucks, 5 = it doesn't
1 2 3 4 5
Back to The Spam Letters